hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize