you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
