No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want her autograph on my taint
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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