Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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