careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
