i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry about my life...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
