I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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