That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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