she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
