someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
