it hurts more in the daytime
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
