why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
