Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
