I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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