You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Screwed.edu
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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