If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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