the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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