The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize