I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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