who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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