I haven't been this sober since birth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
