What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
