I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
