Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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