Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
