mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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