watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize