Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
