He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
