Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
