You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
