So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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