literally had 100 drinks last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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