just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize