Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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