dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want to be your penis for a week.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
