I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
