her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
