Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
