he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drake has all the answers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
