PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
