You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
