i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
