so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
