I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
