their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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