we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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