If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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