even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
