It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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