I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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