you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
