shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize