He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
