Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
