i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone came in the potted fern
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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