youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
