apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
