Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
