i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
