i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The struggles of a small town man whore
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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