Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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