brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
