Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
