forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
