I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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