there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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