there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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