so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
