So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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