Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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