what if every blade of grass was a penis?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Randomize