You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
