in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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