u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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