Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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