The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
