I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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