dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
