Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have post one night stand depression
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