remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize