She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
