I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
