weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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