Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
