she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
