Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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