even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize