If i come over, it means nothing
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
