i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
