Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
