i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just tell him i said nine months
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
