She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
