You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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