just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
