i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
