you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
